A quick survey of your yoga class or brunch buddies can tell you what piercings reign supreme in your circle. But what if we lived in another part of the world? Would we still see countless constellations dancing across the earlobes of our nearest and dearest? It’s a question we took to an all-knowing oracle (Instagram, of course).

There, we spent hours tracking what people in some of the coolest cities, like Verona, Tokyo, Helsinki (and yes, New York and L.A.) are piercing. What we found revealed both inventive options (like edgy dermal piercings) and a few old-school styles that are having a major comeback (don't tell Britney, but belly button bling is back). Also in the mix: more types of ear piercings than we ever imagined were possible.

Some styles are giving us major ideas. (If you ask us, dermal piercings on the nape of the neck are primed to be the new patterned undercut, come summer.) And others we encountered? Well, we’re tensing up just thinking about them. (PSA: people are getting barbells put in their butt cracks. But don't worry — they haven’t made the most requested list just yet.)

Ahead, see the biggest body mods to hit Bogotá, Nairobi, and more.

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Monterey, California: a town full of beautiful people with not-so-beautiful secrets. The pilot episode of HBO's new drama Big Little Lies introduced us to perhaps the ugliest secret to ever grace the coastal community. Someone in the town is dead, and someone else killed them.

While many mystery dramas have fans speculating as to who the murderer is amongst the characters, Big Little Lies does one better. The pilot episode only teases the murder investigation through interviews with those living in Monterey — interviews that, frankly, sound a lot more like the chirps of gossip. From the cutthroat mom who will do anything to keep her kid on top to the dad with a history of abuse, anyone could be a killer — and anyone could be killed.

With the victim as much of a mystery as the person who did them in, it's worth wondering just who will die before the season is out. Click through to check out the people we most suspect of leaving the season in a body bag.

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On March 27, 2017, with only a few days left in women's history month, we're joining forces with MuslimGirl.com and a range of other publications from The Huffington Post to Teen Vogue to MTV to celebrate the inaugural Muslim Women's Day .

As the month of honoring those who have come before us draws to a close, we're left reflecting on the power women have to drive meaningful change in the world — from shattering records in athleticism to changing the face of media to serving in public office. It's a feel-good moment to remember how many amazing women have come before us and forged our world into what it is today. And with the adrenaline rush of the women's march (and all the activism that followed) still coursing through our veins while Beyoncé blares in our hearts, it's easy to feel like girls really do (and can) run the world.

But this sense of progress and power is of course juxtaposed with the divisive political landscape that inspired the solidarity of recent months in the first place. It's possible that the Trump administration is the best thing to happen to feminism in a long time — challenging apathy and activating many who might otherwise opt out of the conversation altogether. But we're paying a high price for that activation, with our bodies, our paychecks, and our health. We're reminded of the fact that women's most fundamental rights are at risk in a very real way.

That's perhaps more true for Muslim women than many other groups. Amidst ever-looming threats of revised travel bans targeting Muslim countries, dangerous rhetoric sparking anti-Muslim violence, increasingly persistent acts of vandalism targeting mosques, and a rising tide of Islamophobia and hate speech, one only need to look around and listen to sense that we still have a long road ahead of us, when it comes to notions of harnessing power, progress, and equality for all women.

And that starts with elevating the voices of all women — which is why today, we're countering a narrative of oppression and fear with the stories of a diverse group of women sharing experiences of activism, persistence, and community. As Zerina Iman, a New York City high school student shared with Refinery29, "Muslim Women's Day is the celebration of Muslim women, who have thrived for thousands of years. It provides us, Muslim women, with a moment of pride, long overdue. It shows the world that we are not hiding, nor are we oppressed. Most importantly, it's a beacon for young Muslim girls, like me, across the U.S. and the world, letting them know no matter what hate they face in this new era, they should be proud of their religion, of their legacy, and of the women just like them who continue to change society each day."

With that in mind, we're partnering with MuslimGirl.com to right the trend of misrepresentation and under-representation in some small way. Alongside a range of other partner publications, we're committing today to amplifying powerful, positive messages of solidarity with Muslim women of all backgrounds. We're proud to celebrate the inaugural #MuslimWomensDay today, taking the opportunity to dispel stereotypes, showcase the diversity of this community, and share some triumphant stories of Muslim women inspiring us all. To participate yourself, you can do three things:

1. Amplify the voices of Muslim women in your social feeds. Reblog, RT, and share their stories and personal messages today.

2. Share the experiences of Muslim women. You'll see these stories, images, and videos publish across our site and many others today — highlight the ones that resonate with you.

3. Participate in the conversation. Use the #MuslimWomensDay hashtag to take part in the discussion going on all day long (and hopefully well into the future). The combatting of stereotypes and of hate starts with discourse first and foremost.

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Don’t lie. You’ve definitely spent a night in dancing to “Call Me Maybe” while cleaning your room. Or, at least, to Taylor Swift. Nothing has as much power as a feel-good song, which can transform any mundane task into an epic feat worthy of a montage.

Luckily, even if you tire of one song, there is always another that will inevitably lift your spirits. Here are the happiest songs we know that will always put you in a good mood. Blast these while driving down a highway in a convertible. Lip sync to them in your room (with a hair brush). Dance to these while doing the dishes or plug them in when you really need to get shit done. From classic oldies to modern pop songs, these happy tunes are ones you actually want to get stuck in your head. Click through to see the happiest songs, ever — and let us know your favorite feel-good tunes in the comments below.

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Instagram's latest statistic says there are more than 400 million people using the social media platform. That's a lot. And, that stat is from September of 2015. Since then, Instagram has given us a #blessed new update that allows users to sync multiple accounts on the app.

Among those nearly half a billion accounts are thousands of celebrity-run pages. Most of them are eager to share silly, glamorous, and behind-the-scenes moments with their followers and fans.

I'm sure you already follow your favorite singers, actresses, and artists, but did you know that some of the more elusive and private celebrities still indulge on the picture platform?

Consider this your crash course in The Most Interesting People On Instagram. They won't disappoint.

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Amazing news, TV lovers of the world: Since we first published this story in 2013, there have been leaps and bounds in the number of streaming platforms offering hours upon hours of programming to binge-watch whenever the mood strikes. In the interest of equal opportunity, we’ve decided to broaden the scope of this slideshow to look beyond the options available on Netflix Instant. There’s a whole wide world of streaming options out there and you deserve to know everything that’s available. Consider this the one-stop menu we'll be updating every week for your continued viewing pleasure.

We've been there. You've exhausted your Netflix queue, flipped through your entire spectrum of TV channels (twice), and seen every season of 30 Rock. It's tough, but don't despair. There's still uncharted territory out there! In fact, there's oodles of fun to be had from the comfort of your laptop this weekend. You just have to know what to look for.

These are our favorite finds on Netflix Instant Watch. Never heard of 'em? Good! Heard the word, but haven't gotten around to it yet? Now's the time.

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Our goal here is simple: to help you curate the perfect Rolodex of movies that will help you deal if or when things with your loved one fall apart. And, to help us in our quest for catharsis, we’ve consulted the very academic Kübler-Ross model of handling grief, which divides the process into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (because, above all else, we here at Refinery29 are nothing if not academics, of course).

There are many different types of breakup movies: the ones that are actually about breakups in the literal sense and the ones that deal with the different stages of breakups metaphorically. For instance: (500) Days of Summer. That’s about breakups. The Hours, on the other hand, is about handling grief, an emotion that occurs after any loss — especially the loss of a relationship. Because a list of breakup movies exists around every corner of the Internet, we’re digging deeper into the films that will help you cope with those separations in a far less overt but no less helpful way.

Movies, above all else, are therapeutic. The best ones allow us to relieve, relive, or re-evaluate our most tender experiences in a way that no other art form can. Click through to see our picks for the films that will aid you in getting through every one of those five stages — and straight on to renewal.

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If you only associate the blazer with your schooldays (or with buttoned-up work attire), think again. The traditionally preppy piece has been reimagined for spring and, trust us, you’ll want in. Thanks to the '80s revival seen on the spring '17 catwalks, along came power suits, oversized jackets, and slammin’ shoulder pads. These words may conjure a fear of permed hair and OTT colors, but fret not: the formal blazer has been revitalized and given a contemporary refresh.

Originally the uniform of old boys’ clubs – complete with naval-style gold embellishment and house crest – the garment's stuffy connotations were ripped up in the early ‘60s by Mods sporting boating blazers as they pounded the streets of London. After bands like The Who, The Kinks, and The Beatles donned the trend, the '80s rolled around, with women adopting the conservative style of corporate men. The era saw knee-length skirts, roll-neck sweaters and razor-sharp tailoring take the relationship between masculine and feminine dressing to a whole new level.

Come the '90s, Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker and Blur’s Graham Coxon brought the blazer to the Britpop scene (paired with battered Converses and a skinny tie), with Elastica’s Justine Frischmann layering over a band tee or a classic white shirt. Since then, we’ve seen Kate Moss bring a sexier edge to the rock’n’roll blazer, and it’s become a staple of French style when worn with rolled-up sleeves and mussed-up hair.

How did designers reimagine the jacket du jour on the runways for spring? Gucci gave it an eccentric and whimsical twist, with sharp lapel piping in bright colors, gold fabrics and floral embroidery, while Saint Laurent ’s were given a super-sexy Grace Jones touch. DKNY served up extreme proportions – think tiny waists, wide shoulders and extra-long sleeves – and Off-White put a sporty spin on white blazers with mismatched hems, baseball caps, and racing stripes.

We saw traditional grays and checks at Topshop Unique and Chanel, alongside Prada’s hyper-feminine red and yellow fitted number. In contrast, Demna Gvasalia supersized the shape at Balenciaga, while Céline presented – as you’d expect – the most wearable and chic workwear jackets.

So, there's ample proof from the catwalks that the traditional blazer can be spun every which way, so there really is a jacket shape, hue, and style to suit everyone. Click through to see how Instagram's most stylish women are bringing the blazer back.

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The Walking Dead is a show built on suspense and surprises. For every season break cliffhanger, there's a herd of Walkers ready to burst into frame. While we now know that Glenn and Abraham are Negan's victims, the show still has plenty of mysteries to unspool.

We know that the Saviors are our newest opponent for Rick, and that Negan is the most formidable opponent yet. We're not yet sure what Carol's fate is, or how the survivors will cope with being tossed from yet another frying pan into yet another fire. We know that this is a show built on hopelessness, but is this the year some civilization begins to form?

Most importantly, the colonies of the living and their relationships to each other are constantly balanced on a razor's edge.

Here, we'll collect the best theories about The Walking Dead. Check back weekly to see what your fellow fans are predicting.

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What’s an HBIC? It’s an acronym we use with fondness and admiration for a "head bitch in charge." These are the women who were leaning in before Sheryl Sandberg even filled out her first Harvard application. They innately know how to be the leader of the pack and the trendsetter everyone else wants to copy. They demand recognition when it’s not given, and if things aren’t going their way, they do something about it.

If it sounds like we’re describing one main HBIC, well, we are! Clueless came out 20 years ago this month, and Cher Horowitz — HBIC of Bronson Alcott High School — is on everyone’s mind. What other high school student successfully got her teachers to change her grades every single marking period? Who else could arrange for the inept Mr. Hall and well-meaning Miss Geist to fall in love through a series of well-placed sonnets and a few Thermoses of gourmet coffee? Who coordinated the Pismo Beach Disaster Relief drive and made it a massive success? One Cher Horowitz, of course.

Though she is the brilliant creation of writer-director Amy Heckerling, Cher comes from a long line of cinematic HBICs, and many more would follow in her stead. These women are some of the best characters to ever grace the silver screen — but cross them at your own peril. HBIC’s don’t like to surrender their crowns.

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I signed up for The Knot. That was my first mistake. But days after getting engaged, I realized I had no idea how to put together a wedding — even a small, frill-free, relatively low-key wedding — and The Knot did. It was the wedding-planning website, and best of all, it had a checklist, telling me exactly what to do and by what time: When to send the invites, when to order the dress, and oh right, to make a Plan B in case of bad weather. I figured I could skip past the nonsense articles (“7 Ways To Dress Your Wedding Dog”?) and get straight to business with the checklist. But, no dice. The nonsense was waiting for me, right there toward the top of it: “Make A Fitness Plan.”

Now, I’m an out-and-proud fan of fitness. While I used to have a toxic, all-or-nothing attitude toward it, I’ve been exercising regularly, both in and out of the gym, for almost four years. Learning how to work out in a consistent, balanced, not-crazy way has improved my life in many ways, and my physical health is just one of them. It also plays a role in keeping me a balanced, not-crazy person. But The Knot was clearly not concerned with my mental health when it suggested that “now is a great time to get a fitness routine going.” It assumed, as did most bridal guides, dress boutiques, and anyone who noticed my engagement ring, that I was planning to start “sweating for the wedding” ASAP. In fact, I already was — but not so that I could “weigh less for the dress.”

Wedding weight-loss is not a new concept, but right now there seems to be a growing faction of the fitness industry specifically targeting engaged women. Bridal bootcamps and pre-wedding packages lure them in with these curious rhyme-based hooks: “Slim down for the gown,” “get hot before tying the knot,” “run mile after mile before walking down the aisle” — I could add more, but I’ll barf on the floor. I understand the desire to look awesome on your wedding day, but for me, that doesn’t mean becoming the thinnest possible version of myself. I no longer focus on weight loss, period, but even if I did, I can’t imagine a worse time to start that crazy-making process than in the midst of wedding planning. I have plenty of crazy on my plate, thankyouverymuch. Still, exercise has become even more important to me these past few months. And I would encourage every bride-to-be to hit the gym on a regular basis — not to get thin, but to stay sane.

I no longer focus on weight loss, period, but even if I did, I can’t imagine a worse time to start that crazy-making process than in the midst of wedding planning.

Perhaps you’ve heard, but weddings are stressful. In other breaking news, exercise is a super effective form of stress relief. While that's a generally accepted fact, that particular perk doesn’t get a lot of airtime in today’s mainstream fitness culture, which is almost entirely focused on appearance. It wasn’t until I went through a period of heightened stress that I truly understood just how great an impact exercise could have on my body and brain.

Quick story: Two years ago, I found myself juggling a full-time job with my first book and its rapidly approaching deadline. Then my best friend got cancer (arguably more stressful for him — but you can read more about that in his essay). Every day felt like an emergency, and the idea of squeezing in a workout seemed both impossible and frivolous. But on those days when I woke up before dawn, too anxious to sleep but too fried to work, I would grab a sports bra from the pile of unfolded laundry on the floor and stumble over to the gym. An hour or so later, I would leave, still anxious and tired, but somehow better. The volume on that noise in my brain had been turned down, and now I could think. My feet felt more grounded with each step, and my heart was simply beating instead of pounding. It was as if my body had been filled up with the wrong kind of gas — a speedy, neon substance that fueled only panic — and now, at last, it had been siphoned off.

I already knew that exercise was supposed to flood you with endorphins and fill you up with good feelings. But only then did I discover that it could also drain away the bad.

“There’s only so much you can ruminate on when you're struggling to catch your breath,” says Lara Fielding, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in California. That’s just one reason that exercise is such an effective form of stress relief. And it’s why exercise is, once again, not just a priority, but an essential to-do on my pre-wedding checklist. As a specialist in mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapies, Dr. Fielding has also spent time researching the relationship between health behaviors (like exercise) and the psycho-physiological effects of stress. Why is exercise so relieving? “As always,” she says, “there's both a biological and a psychological reason.”

“When you do cardiovascular exercise,” she says, “you raise the threshold of reactivity to a social stressor. In other words, if I'm jogging three to five times a week and getting my heart rate up, then it's actually creating flexibility in my system, so that when I get stressed from a social stressor” — like an important meeting at work, an intimidating party, or, say, a wedding-dress fitting — “I won't go straight to panic.”

Exercise can also help regulate cortisol — everyone’s favorite stress hormone. This fitness factoid gets a lot of attention, but, Dr. Fielding adds, it’s not as simple as more exercise equals less cortisol. “Exercise is also a stressor on your body,” she says. You release a certain amount of cortisol when you work out. And, when you do it consistently and appropriately, as in the example above, you gradually raise your body’s tolerance. But, as with most substances, the dose makes the poison. If you go too hard, for too long, too frequently, “you’re causing too much cortisol,” says Dr. Fielding. “And that causes a depressive reaction.” That’s why moderating your exercise is just as important as the exercise itself, she adds. When it comes to the mood-improving effects of exercise, she says, the ideal amount is, “three to five times a week, 20-30 minutes of cardio, at 70% of your maximum capacity.” Of course, no one but you can really gauge what your maximum capacity is. That’s why, says Dr. Fielding, “‘Know thyself’ is always the first step.”

And that means mindfulness — not to be confused with overthinking. A lot of us, myself included, look forward to the mental break that comes with a workout, when you plug in your headphones and just move. But carving out some time for mindful check-ins really helps make for the most feel-good workout. Luckily, there’s a shortcut: Your breath.

“It's the one thing that can automatically bring you out of your mind into the present moment,” says Michael Gervais. A trainer and yoga instructor with Equinox, Gervais created HeadStrong, a class designed to maximize the mind-body connection in a workout. It incorporates high-intensity segments with guided breathwork and mindful movements, emphasizing sensory awareness and staying absolutely present. “The class itself is really about being able to simulate the soothing part [of exercise]. So, it's not just amp, amp, amp, goodbye.”

Both he and Dr. Fielding agree that breath is a key element to stress relief in exercise. In any workout, Gervais says, “as much as you can, bring attention to your breath.” Doing so can help you recognize just what a huge impact this alone has on your mental and physical state. (“Just FYI,” Dr. Fielding says, “when you have a longer exhale than an inhale, you lower your heart rate.” I keep that in mind both in and out of the gym.) But simply pausing to notice your breath is a fast, easy way to keep you out of your head and in the room. Sometimes in class, Gervais adds, he’ll start by directing attention to the breath, then have students focus on a body part. “[I’ll say] ‘bring your attention down to your right heel, and feel that. Then feel the ground supporting your right calf,” and so on. He says doing these body scans “helps your brain to tune out the noise and then figure out the important information.” In that moment, the important information isn’t the theoretically worries in your head, but simply what’s going on in the room and in your body.

All these meditative and scientific factors really boil down to two things: fight-or-flight vs. rest-and-digest. (There is no escaping the rhymes.)

The fight-or-flight response is a result of the sympathetic nervous system. It’s what makes your heart race, your palms sweat, and your lungs start taking in quick and shallow breaths when you’re feeling anxiety. This is an awesome stress response when you have to literally fight or flee for your life. It’s not so helpful though, when you’re hyperventilating over a guest list. Sadly, there is no semi-sympathetic nervous system that tells your body this guest list is not actually a predator coming to eat you alive, and you can neither run from it nor beat it into submission.

But exercise can help mitigate this response in the long term (that’s what’s happening when you gradually increase your body’s cortisol tolerance). And in the short term, you can incorporate these mindfulness techniques to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. This is the rest-and-digest response (sometimes it’s called “feed and breed,” but, ew) because it signals your body that everything is a-okay, so it can relax and focus on things like pooping and sex. (Ever notice how your digestion and libido get thrown out of whack during stressful times? It’s not all in your head! It’s in your whole autonomic nervous system!)

Gervais points out that most of us get a lot of opportunities to engage the sympathetic nervous system, “Because life — especially in a city — is so stimulating.” (A wedding, he adds, “is all about the sympathetic nervous system.” I would add: NO SHIT.) We often struggle to prioritize things like rest and mindful attention, so the parasympathetic system might need some practice. One of Gervais’ goals, he says, “is to train you to be able to switch gears between those two states.” That’s why he emphasizes the importance of breathwork and rest into your exercise routine. Oh, and, “leave your phone in your locker...that’s my number one tip.” Damn it.

The words “parasympathetic nervous system” might not sell many bridal bootcamp packages. It doesn’t look as snappy on a t-shirt as “kettlebells before wedding bells.” But it’s part of what’s keeping me from feeling like a maniac during what ought to be, at least in part, an exciting time in my life. Most importantly, it’s helping me to be present in it. I’d like to take that peace and groundedness with me, not just through this year, but through the rest of my life.

It might seem antithetical to give myself one more thing to do. But I now know that when I’m juggling a lot, squeezing in a workout is one of the best things I can do for myself. It gives my brain a time-out, drains away some of that pointless panic energy, and lets me come back to the world with fresh eyes and the wherewithal to stop and look around. Sure, there’s a lot to be stressed out about right now. And there’s plenty to be thrilled and joyful over. I can’t eradicate the bad entirely. But I can feel them both.

The Anti-Diet Project is an ongoing series about intuitive eating, sustainable fitness, and body positivity. You can follow Kelsey's journey on Twitter and Instagram at @mskelseymiller, or right here on Facebook. Curious about how it all got started? Check out the whole column, right here.

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For the past 41 years, Saturday Night Live has brought the laughs.

No issue — political, celebrity, or hypothetical — is off limits for the eclectic cast, which has consistently (and impressively) churned out new household names season after season. Regardless what sort of bleak situation is unfolding across the world, we can always count on SNL to pull us out of the darkness and into the comedic light. And for that, we are so grateful.

The best part about SNL is that it appeals to every viewer in a different way. Everyone has their own favorite skits and comedians guaranteed to make them giggle. And, thanks to the wonders of the internet, we can rewatch as many times as we want.

There's no shame in watching Ryan Gosling break character in the "Close Encounters" skit from April of this year. It's hilarious.

We rounded up our all-time favorite acts from the show that always leave us laughing in out loud. Literally.

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It can be tough to find new stand-up comics worth your time and attention. Still, that's no excuse to have your go-to female comic list begin and end with Amy Schumer. She definitely deserves a spot on your roster, but there are so many more funny women to choose from. Some dominate Twitter in between gigs. Some have found fame as TV stars who still fit in a set or two on the side. While some are comedians you already love, yet maybe you had no idea they actually got their start in comedy with a mic, on a lonely stage. They tackle issues from navigating online dating to dealing with politicians who are constantly spouting anti-women rhetoric.

So use this list as a jumping off point for discovering new shows to see and comedy albums to listen to. Stand-up is still dominated by men, but you could be part of the wave of fans that take these female comics to the next level of fame.

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We know you're smart enough not to fall for absurd email scams, but just in case, we thought you should know about this email from "Melania Trump" that's going around.

There are many different versions, but one of them comes from "Mrs. Melania Trump" and the email "mrs_melaniatrump13@yahoo.com." It starts:

"Good Day. I am Mrs. Melania Trump this is to officially inform you that your overdue payment from West Africa Benin Republic total sum of ($20.000.000) twenty million US dollars is currently here in my office white house Washington DC and the funds will be delivered to you as soon as you get back to this office and comply with the requirement as needed to deliver your total fund to you as well. Your home address and your cell phone numbers is highly needed to complete this delivering to you as well."

She signs off: "First Lady United State [sic] Of America."

It goes without saying that first lady Melania Trump is not going to wire you $20 million from Benin. There are so many red flags in these emails, as the Huffington Post reports — for example, one of them uses a Japan-based email address and California area code phone number. That should tip you off. It also falsely suggests she lives in Washington, D.C., when she is currently residing in the Trump Tower.

And then, of course, there is the question of why Melania Trump would be giving you millions of dollars from a tiny West African country.

The Huffington Post reports that its replies to the email and calls to the phone number have gone unanswered. This is what's called a 419 scam — it promises a generous return for an upfront fee. Please, please, don't fall for stuff like this!

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Many of us have a friend who "just needs to vent" pretty much every day. Friends give great advice, and that's what friends are for. But, if it starts to feel like you're telling a friend the same advice over and over again, and nothing is helping or changing, it can be exhausting and a sign that maybe the exchange isn't as mutual as it should be, says Andrea Bonior, PhD, LCP, author of The Friendship Fix.

"In some cases, it's clear the person is just using you as a sounding board and they feel better after," Dr. Bonior says. "But, in other cases, they just keep coming back for more, and there's no limit to how often they come to you, because you're just not having an impact."

Dr. Bonior says there's a personality type that attracts this kind of behavior: Complainers like to find people who are willing to listen a little too long, or sympathizers who they know aren't assertive enough to tell them to stop. After a while, this back and forth can breed resentment. That's not to say that you should feel guilty about how often you go to your friends for advice; you should just actually listen to them.

"For friendship to survive, you have to draw boundaries," Dr. Bonior says. "If you resent the person, it's not fair to them, unless you've spoken up to change the situation — nobody wants to grow to be hated without their knowledge." So how do you change the situation without feeling like you're leaving your friend hanging?

Dr. Bonior suggests you put the pressure on yourself, instead of on your friend, by saying something like, "I wonder if I'm doing you a disservice, because I know this has been bothering you for some time, and I don't know if what I'm saying is helpful." Telling the person that you want them to get better, but commenting that you haven't noticed any changes suggests that you can tell they're just not listening to you without feeling like a jerk.

You could also turn the table even more, and tell your friend, basically, to ask someone else. If they complain about their parents, why don't they talk to their sister about it? If it's their coworker who they can't stand, have they considered going to HR? "It doesn't have to be a therapist that you're suggesting, but help to open the door to solutions that are directed," Dr. Bonior says.

Of course, if you do feel like your friend could be in danger and needs to see a professional, you should encourage them to see someone by saying, "Have you thought about going a step further and talking to someone who's better at this than me? Someone who's a professional?" If they push back ("But you're always so good about this!"), try saying something like, "Look, we're going in circles together, and I don't think I'm being helpful."

At the end of the day, you don't owe anyone therapy, Dr. Bonior says. Even if you are a mental health expert, there are some things in your friend's life that you won't be able to solve. "You do owe your friends empathy and respect, but after a while, you can't be expected to be a professional if you're not." It's important to take care of yourself and make sure your needs are met — in other words, don't forget to be friends with yourself, too.

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Everyone has that song that makes their blood rush, their face flush, and their pulse quicken. It's the jam you always have queued up when there's even the slightest chance of an overnight guest. It's baby-making, hypnotic hip-swiveling, take-me-now music.

And, there's a lot of it. Sometimes it's the lyrics that get us fired up. Sometimes it's the beat. Sometimes it's just Janet Jackson's voice or the fact that it makes you think of Ryan Gosling. By the second chorus, you're a quivering mess.

From "Drunk in Love" to "Closer," these tunes always seem to do the trick. We'll be adding more songs each week, so keep reading and keep updating that "sexy times" playlist. Don't act like you don't have one.

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From Meryl Streep shouting to the infamous Michelle Obama inauguration side-eye, 2017 has already produced a plethora of internet memes to suit our every emotion. And to think, it's only March!

So, what’s a meme? We’re glad you asked. Memes are the language of the internet. They’re the chatter of Reddit, manifested into image form. They’re the informal editorials on current events, distilled into endlessly customizable images.

Some memes are distinctly of the moment and generated in real time. We can thank the Oscars for “Whispering Ryan Gosling,” amongst others. Other memes are evergreen and forever funny. So long as people continue to dream up hilarious combos of images and captions, we’ll have hilarious commentary on current events.

As long as we have memes by our side, we won’t be alone going through the ups, downs, and upside-downs of 2017.

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A woman who survived sexual assault by a colleague now faces slander charges, after the court threw out her case, according to BBC News.

Her case was dropped from the courts because the judge didn't think the woman had a strong enough emotional reaction to prove she had been raped. During the trial, the survivor testified that she had said "enough" to her attacker during the assault, according to BBC.

The survivor worked in hospitals in a city in Northern Italy when a coworker forced her into sexual acts and threatened that he would stop providing her with work if she didn't have sex with him, BBC reports.

When the judge chose to acquit the defendant, the reason given was that the woman had not "betrayed the emotion that a violation of her person had to inspire in her," and said that her rape "didn't exist."

When the court asked why she hadn't reacted more strongly the survivor said, "sometimes saying no is enough but maybe I did not use the force and violence that in reality I should have used, but that is because with people who are too strong, I just freeze."

We'll just stop for a moment to say that saying no is enough. It should always be enough. And no woman (or person) should ever have to use force or violence, or have to scream, to stop a someone from forcing them into sex.

The court throwing out this woman's case because they don't like her reaction — even though she clearly said no and was forced into sex anyway — is the very definition of victim blaming. And it has rightfully caused an outrage in the country, according to BBC.

"Certainly, you cannot punish the personal reaction of a woman terrified by what is happening to her," Annagrazia Calabria, a member of parliament, said according to BBC.

The Justice Minister — who is the head of the ministry of justice in the country — Andrea Orlando, has launched an investigation into the case, BBC reports.

If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

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Some people say the only way to stop online harassment is to stop going online. Well, we aren't going anywhere. Reclaim Your Domain is Refinery29's campaign to make the internet (and the world outside of it) a safer space for everyone — especially women.

The canon of things we’ve called “trolling” is as sweeping as the word is imprecise. There are Instagram comments that contain nothing but bee emoji, shade from Beyoncé fans. There’s that one hissing-cat photo that shape shifts into any meme; Facebook replies that point out a “your” that meant to be “you’re.” There are forum conversations full of alt-right code words, like “kek,” and tweets that call Leslie Jones an ape. And then there are rape threats, incitements to violence, and people who harass families in mourning. A recent Wall Street Journal report summed up trolling as the things we all do online when we’re grumpy.

But the idea that a bumble bee icon and a rape threat would exist on the same spectrum, that both could be dismissed as moodiness, is insane. How is all of that called the same name?

Here, an internet folklorist and an Ivy League linguist pick apart a variety of web-based bad behavior, so we can finally call a spade a spade — or, in this case, a troll. It turns out most online antagonism already a name: racism, misogyny, and rudeness among them.

We have an online antagonism problem because we have a violence against women problem.

Increasingly, as our lives are being lived online, it’s becoming harder and harder to demarcate what is just an “online” behavior in the first place. Increasingly, making that distinction doesn’t matter. For Whitney Phillips, internet folklorist at Mercer University and author of This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Mapping the Relationship between Online Trolling and Mainstream Culture, the main problem she has with the "trolling" label, which she has all but stopped using, is that it suggests anything happens purely in web spaces anymore. As if what happens to us online isn't real.

“We have an online antagonism problem because we have a violence against women problem,” she says. These things exist on land. The anonymity and boundless reach the internet affords us only embolden our more abhorrent habits. Telling a woman who's being harassed to “just get off Twitter if it bothers you,” Phillips continues, utilizes the same exact victim-blaming logic that says she wore or drank or said something she shouldn't have — and that’s why violence happened to her.

In the earliest aughts, when the concept of trolling was being solidified, trolls, like the rest of the web, were a relatively harmless bunch of nerdy white guys hanging around in chat rooms, trading barbs. Light pranking and internetty colloquialisms were pretty much the meat of it.

If you’ve ever clicked on an interesting-sounding link only to find yourself eyeballs deep in a denim-clad Rick Astley — it was that kind of thing. If you've heard the term “butthurt” (or: "u mad bro?"), or been sent images of cats talking about hamburgers — that came from trolling. Trolls were a specific, self-identified group, according to Phillips. They used certain ungrammatical phrases and loped around 4chan trading “lulz,” just like schoolboys tapping “58008” into a calculator and turning it upside-down to reveal “BOOBS.” But it wasn’t all harmless fun, she hedges. “It always had a very antagonistic undertone. It was gendered, it was raced, it was classed.”

Using words that betray where we're from, our education level, or align us with a certain community is something we all do, consciously or not, says Robin Clark, linguistics professor at the University of Pennsylvania. It’s “signaling,” a kind of call-and-response to folks who'll get us. By using "fag" as if it meant nothing more than "dude," and using "rape" interchangeably with "take," that’s what trolls were doing online. They were in on the jokes, and the jokes were crude.

While many of us groom a sort of best life on social media — to borderline fantastical degrees — people on these seedy forums (especially Reddit with its anti-censorship libertarian ethos, but also 4chan's many "interest"-based boards) cultivated their worst. The cat memes were still there, but so were the anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, misogynist, and racist (and so on) ones. The joking went from inward to outward, targeted attacks. Meanwhile cyberbullying was going mainstream.

By 2013 there had been a youth exodus from Facebook because of the unmitigated harassment teens faced there. Twitter's been overrun by Nazis. (Now even Snapchat, that disappearing-ink of social media, isn't safe.) If there ever was a line between fun and not remotely okay, it’s been blurry since the start, and so it’s understandable that we went on calling anything that once came from those back-alley web forums “trolling.”

It's only gotten harder to separate the trolls from the chaff, and that's why it’s more urgent than ever that we do. Below are several ways people behave badly online. Let’s call it what it is — and watch it lose some of its edge.

This Is Word Salad

This appeared on a Refinery29 article about Planned Parenthood rallies. See how the commenter mixes sexist and crude words in a sentence that literally doesn’t make any sense?

“You get this image of some nut in a tinfoil hat pounding at the keyboard,” Robin Clark of University of Pennsylvania says. “But they always seem to have some deliberate plan of action behind it.” That plan is the following: bypassing community moderators who are trained to look exclusively for personal attacks and getting a rise out of anyone with either a basic respect for the English language or a vested interest in the topic at hand. “I think it’s a deliberate attempt to derail the thread. What they want is that a lot of people will start commenting on it, [responding] to some lunatic assertion.” And there you are talking to nonsense, which then makes you look loony, too.

This Is Being Insufferable & Also Correct

It's Kirsten. https://t.co/wk07mjadbg

— Kirsten Gillibrand (@SenGillibrand) March 8, 2017

Grammar-policing can be insufferable, obnoxious, and petty-seeming, but grammar is a system of rules in which certain things are correct and others are not. When a person points out the objective truth (where an apostrophe goes; how to spell Kirsten) it may piss you right off, but that might be your problem. “It’s not always clear who is really being an asshole about spelling or grammar and who is looking to cause trouble, even indirectly satirizing the impulse to correct grammar sarcastically, or even sincerely trying to help,” Phillips says. If you don't know that they're ribbing you, why bother calling this a troll? And more importantly: Who among us can’t stand to improve their grammar a touch?

This Is Unbridled Narcissism

FAKE NEWS media knowingly doesn't tell the truth. A great danger to our country. The failing @nytimes has become a joke. Likewise @CNN. Sad!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 25, 2017

Ah The Donald. Truly in a class of his own. So very alone. SAD!

Trump has a very distinctive Tweet style, Clark says. “It’s always ‘X is so negative adjective,’ [the] word ‘so,’ and the period. And then ‘sad.’ Period.” Using “so” amplifies or exaggerates whatever simple adjective the president’s using — whether that’s “great!” or “sick.” Following that with a period makes the judgment final, and this M.O. works, Clark explains.

While opponents on the left spent too long feeling confident that Donald Trump’s first-grade level vocabulary made him look foolish, what it really did was make his messages incredibly digestible.

And it’s still working for him: When he says something like “the failing New York Times,” his followers may actually believe The New York Times is failing (it’s not). What we can’t know is if he’s always lying, or if he himself believes things that are provably false. Probably the latter, because he considers himself a very reliable source. “When you’re a narcissistic individual,” Clark explains, “you come to believe in your own mythology. So I’m sure that Trump in his own mind is a legend, and godlike in that way.” And that, my friends, is sick and BAD!

This Is Being Popular — But Also A Total Instigator

trump furiously trying to ban television right now

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 15, 2017

Celebrities are able to enjoy online provocation without anonymity, and they don’t even have to say anything all that impressive to rally thousands. The power, in this case, is in the people (who follow them).

So when Chrissy Teigen taunts Donald Trump, which she’s been doing expertly since 2011, her four-and-a-half million followers amplify it, collectively laughing at his expense. “This can go both ways, of course,” Phillips warns. “The same reduced social risk that allows feminists and people of color to clap back [at antagonists like Donald Trump] also allows bigots to spew their hate online with less fear of embodied repercussions. The tools and affordances of digital media can be harnessed — sometimes simultaneously! — for positive and negative ends.”

This Is Basically Tour Merch

Once upon a time in a RollingStone interview, Kid Rock said he preferred "skinny white chicks with big tits" to Beyoncé, and her fans will never forget it. The comments illustrated here are anonymized, but are inspired by the 'hive coming for him...still. Certain sects of super fans assign icons to the object of their affection: bees for Beyoncé’s Beyhive, snakes to remind Taylor Swift that Kim Kardashian has all the receipts. Even Rob Kardashian has an emoji gang, which plastered four-leaf clovers all over Tyga’s Instagram, when Kardashian proposed to his ex, Blac Chyna; a marriage that would make Tyga the step-uncle to his own son. (It’s a whole thing.)

Phillips says spamming these emoji all over someone’s comments is “performing an identity and affinity with people who are like-minded,” which is something we do offline all the time, like wearing baseball hats. But people don’t wear baseball hats at each other. There is something specifically combative about these Stans.

Clark says, because we're all about image now, “a war of images and emojis is inevitable." He calls Bey's bees a nice example of "iconic symbolism, particularly the way that they’re presented in swarms (which is so simple as to be ingenious).” Some practical advice? Never doubt the genius of the Beyhive — and don’t bring a knife-emoji to a gun-emoji fight.

This Is Being Afraid, But Mostly Racist

Hate groups have been inventing secret lingo since well before the internet, which is why we can’t label anything the alt-right does as “trolling,” which still sounds like light teasing. Using coded language like “kek” or “cuck,” some of their current faves, is a wink to other white-nationalists out there looking for a friend. They do it hiding behind anonymous screen names and their own lingo, just as they first hid beneath bed sheets fashioned into hats. Bunch of hateful 'fraidy cats, these guys. (This example came from Twitter, but we've anonymized it further with a made-up screen name.)

“You’re going to find weird little turns of phrase that may mean nothing to you, but to them it is a signal of allegiance,” Clark says. He points to Dylann Roof, the white-nationalist terrorist who murdered nine Black congregants in a Charleston church in 2015. He used the code 1488 to allude to a 14-word nazi slogan and “heil Hitler,” double-eights, because H is the eighth letter of the alphabet. These digits mean nothing, unless you know what they mean.

Clark also points to bigots using the word “Skittles” to refer to Muslims. So when Donald Trump, Jr, tweeted that remark about refugees being like a bowl of Skittles, was it really just a blatantly racist analogy? (Or was it a blatantly racist analogy plus a nod and wink to literal nazis?) “The genius here is that it may be a signal to the alt-right or it may be coincidence. That’s the whole idea.” It can be “canceled,” he explains, as simply as saying you just meant candy. Simply knowing what these words mean can take the air out of them.

This Is Just Racist

This comment came in response to Riz Ahmed's remarks about the importance of representation on television, but that almost doesn't matter. Any time the concept of "back where you came from" is tossed into a conversation, at the heart it is just plain racism. And it's right out there in the open, like painting a swastika on a gravesite or hanging a scarecrow by a noose in your front yard. It is never anything less serious than that. It does not need to be decoded; it is obvious and needs to stop. But sometimes, instead, it makes people famous.

This Is Being SO Racist, It Makes You Rich

Judge Derrick K. Watson issues opinion holding all illegals now legal, to protect the constitutional right of Hawaiians to cheap gardeners.

— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) March 17, 2017

Sometimes people turn their ability to shout hurtful things into a career. Like Ann Coulter. Her message is the same as those secret bigots, but because she has a large following and the kind of physical attributes television executives like to pay for, she’s reached a vaunted position. From there, she can “drop a rhetorical bomb without any support or discussion,” Clark says, “entering whatever assertion is made into our store of common knowledge without being vetted or investigated.” (Also a Trump move.)

Why is it different when Coulter Tweets that immigrants rob the economy versus when your everyday scumbag with a Twitter says it? Because she’s famous, and has been afforded some level of authority by being taken seriously by her peers in the media (at least when she’s not at someone else’s roast). When all her followers hear, accept as truth, and repeat her missives, Clark adds, “it’s a kind of debate by brute force.” People like this cultivate outrage while clinging to some shred of deniability. (See also: Milo Yiannopoulos.) And in that way, it’s also cowardly.

This Is Gaslighting

Any commenter who takes the time to write “who cares” is trying to incept us, egging us into conversation to defend why this should be a conversation in the first place. “You dismiss the person as not having any particular expertise, or being in no position to know anything about anything,” Clark says. “This derails the thread by throwing out some ridiculous assertion that then just stops comments in some sense.” This is another perfect example of something commonly dismissed as “trolling” that happens to women constantly, in living color.

This Is Sexism (No Really. That's All.)

A “sandwich” has become shorthand for saying women belong in the kitchen, and attaching it to stories about women succeeding — or using it to respond to successful women’s tweets — simultaneously derails the conversation while weaving blatant sexism right into it. (This particular comment appeared on Refinery29's Facebook page in response to our coverage of A Day Without Women.) It takes us back to those second-phase trolls who were just joking around, but used the word “rape” any time they wanted to pack a punch. (A meme that went mainstream was “raped” from them; a person caught in a funny gotcha moment was “raped with logic.”) “The underlying issues are deep and they’re cultural,” Whitney Phillips says.

“Nothing that twitter does is ever going to fully address systemic racial injustice. These are things that are baked into the culture. How do you deal with online antagonism toward women? Um, educate boys about respect toward women. How do you deal with antagonistic behavior toward people of color on Twitter? Solve racism! Those are the solutions.”

Saying this, she begins to pull a knitted blanket she’s been fidgeting with up over her eyes, as if to hide from the reality of our times — a reaction that’s as valid and communicative as any all-caps reply.

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When the going gets tough, the tough take a look at the love lives of the tangentially famous. Today's salve for the horrors of the world: the delightful couple that is Billie Lourd and Taylor Lautner. We warned you back in February that this couple was dangerously 'shippable, and they've only proven us right. Lourd herself provided their couple nickname: Baelor. (She's a fan of puns.) As E! Online points out, the Scream Queens co-stars took to a poppy field to practice the art of looking adorable and in love — they're quite good at it.

"I went to the poppy reserve and all I got was this bizarre pic of me in a kimono making a mildly awkward face surrounded by 4ish dying poppies," Lourd wrote on an Instagram post. In the picture, she is indeed lying prone among a few wilted flowers.

🌼👘🌼I went to the poppy reserve and all I got was this bizarre pic of me in a kimono making a mildly awkward face surrounded by 4ish dying poppies #findingthefunny

A post shared by Billie Lourd (@praisethelourd) on Mar 27, 2017 at 9:15pm PDT

In another photo, the two are together, schmoozing for the camera. Lourd included the hashtag "#itspoppyingoff" in the caption. (Like we said, she loves a pun.)

🌼💛🌼#itspoppyingoff in tha #selfields

A post shared by Billie Lourd (@praisethelourd) on Mar 27, 2017 at 2:51pm PDT

Lautner, not one to miss an opportunity for word play either, posted his own pic from the field with the caption: "PoppyLockNdropit."

🌼🔐💧PoppyLockNdropit

A post shared by Taylor Lautner (@taylorlautner) on Mar 27, 2017 at 3:49pm PDT

Lautner, 25, also included a solo photo, in which he wears an orange jacket. The poppies are orange. The jacket is also orange.

Lautner comments: "Coincidence? You'll never know."

Bright orange jacket. Field of orange poppies. Coincidence? You'll never know.

A post shared by Taylor Lautner (@taylorlautner) on Mar 27, 2017 at 9:12pm PDT

Reports of this new couple surfaced in late 2016, shortly before the tragic deaths of Lourd's mother, the iconic actress Carrie Fisher and Lourd's grandmother Debbie Reynolds. These reports came courtesy of Keke Palmer, who snapchatted the oblivious duo kissing at the Scream Queens wrap party. In early 2017, during the emotionally taxing fallout of Lourd's dual loss, it seemed the social media floodgates opened and the two started posting about each other on Instagram. There were pictures of the two wearing matching onesies. There were poolside pics. There are serious posts, like Lautner's heartfelt photo of two the captioned, "This girl is one of the strongest, most fearless individuals I've ever met. Absolutely beautiful inside and out. I'm lucky to know you @praisethelourd." And there have been silly posts, like this elevator mirror selfie that includes the hashtag #fashun.

Throughout it all, Lourd has used the hashtag "#findingthefunny," a positive mantra that references her wisecracking mother. In a heartfelt tribute post to Fisher, Lourd wrote, "Finding the funny might take a while but I learned from the best and her voice will forever be in my head and in my heart." It seems Lautner is helping her find the funny — and the punny — among the poppies.

I know it's early to call it, but I'm going to anyway: Baelor is the It Couple of 2017.

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