“How do I feel about my period? I love it!”That's the opening line from Kotex's 2010 "So Obnoxious" ad, which you might remember. The satirical (and frankly, brilliant) ad features "a believably attractive 18- to 24-year-old female" who's relatable because, "I’m racially ambiguous," she explains. "Market research shows that girls like you love girls like me.”
The Kotex pads being advertised may not have flown off the shelves, but the commercial itself was a viral success, even prompting a New York Times article. The reason it struck a nerve? It called out the absurdities of literally years of period product advertisements. Finally, someone was mocking the usual lineup of ads for tampons, maxi pads, and anything else period-related.
The 2010 Kotex ad was the start of a welcome sea change in how period products are marketed, one that lead us to a new era in which these ads got so real it caused a (silly) controversy.
To look back at how far we've come, we rounded up some of the weirdest and most ridiculous vintage period ads. They probably won't make you want to buy tampons, but they will give you a good laugh.
It's the 1940s and Bonnie is "blue." Why? Because of "periodic pain." Well, that's vague, isn't it? Midol wasn't just for cramps and headaches — it also saved women from "jumpy nerves!" Midol's 1940 ads all feature Bonnie, Betty, and Sally— and they always turn out so gay thanks to that little pill. Hurray!
Those red roses (a clear euphemism for blood) aren't going to get this gal down. She has a spiffy hat, gloves, and "confidence" thanks to Kotex napkins. This ad from the 1950s is important because it highlights a favorite trend from advertisers: promising confidence. Somehow a working maxi pad doesn't just make you confident in its ability to prevent leaks. It also makes you a more confident woman. Okay...
Oh, hell no.
This dude's wife's menstrual cramps were so hard for him! But worry not, his wife now takes Femicin and she "acts like the woman [he] married — every day of the month." Cause heaven forbid your wife's emotions ever change. That's strictly forbidden, never mind that she's bleeding for three to eight days. What a nightmare!
Unmarried girls are worried about using "internal sanitary protection," also known as tampons. because unmarried women are clearly virginal (and period protection clearly changes that). Apparently in the 1950s you needed someone to tell you it's okay to insert something into your own vagina.
A promise of a maxi pad so great that you'll forget it's even there. Not sure how you can forget about a pad that happens to be belted to your waist, but Fems says it's totally possible. The one beacon of hope in this ad? She's not wearing white! Just a form-fitting dress.
She's jumping out of planes — because she can't sit down and relax, of course! She swims to "lose weight," so she eats breakfast by her pool! And she's a smart lady, so she "doesn't know a thing about changing tires"— especially not in a white trench coat! We're not really sure what skydiving, exercise, and changing flat tires have to do with your period. But apparently, Tampax sees a connection.
First question: Why didn't your mother talk to you about your period when you had "the talk?" Second question: Why are you casually hanging out with a bunch of white cats in your white apartment while wearing an all-white outfit?
Get ready to cringe hard, people. I mean, nothing says "buy my maxi pads" like a soft ballad about the "StayFree years." The random montage of women and girls laughing, getting married, and reading bedtime stories are an especially awkward touch. Plus, there's that great "confidence" messaging that period commercials just love to use.
Yet another example of an adventurous woman on the go from Tampax. Even her damn horse is white! She doesn't seem to be very good at surfing or horseback riding (because she's a woman, obviously), but you should trust her. She may be failing at building that tent, but she is rocking that bucket hat two decades before Blossom.
It's like Tampax watched one too many episodes of Saved by the Bell, and decided that those graphics were the perfect way to reach young women. The only thing more ridiculous than the random girls saying things like "You bet!" and talking about the "perfect fit," is when the maxi pad actually does a little dance. Tampax, BYE!
Midol, this is a slightly better commercial. It seems that by 1997 ad campaigns were ready to tackle sexist assumptions about periods — as long as it all still ended with a smile, of course!
This isn't a period ad, it's a milk ad. But do you get it? Women on their periods are THE WORST. So every man in America better run and get milk so they can survive! Any man who falls down on the milk-getting job will be forced to deal with his wife's emotions, listen to her suffer in pain, or — worst of all — find menstrual products around his home!
These women are here to have a frank conversation about why Rely tampons are so gosh darn reliable.
But that's not what's absurd. What's absurd is that this is one of the few period ads featuring a woman of color. It's like advertisers just realized that women of color get their periods too.
Also absurd in hindsight: Rely ended up being taken off the market in 1980 after its tampons were found to be more likely to cause Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) than other tampons. A rash of lawsuits quickly followed.
"Soft,""curved," and "natural."Obviously those words describe all women, so this totally makes sense. Not sure where the leather necklace comes into play on the "soft" scale, but Kotex promises protection so natural "you'll forget what day it is." My only question: What is that thing laced with? Forget what day it is?
This ad starts with a very 1980s woman saying, "It's wonderful," in a soft coo. She spends the rest of the ad nose-to-nose with you, whispering sweet nothings about Always maxi pads. Bonus: We get a classic blue water demonstration in this one — because if a beaker of blue water can be absorbed by a maxi pad, so can hours of period blood.
"You gotta trust somebody!" And that somebody is Tampax. Don't you love the teenage angst? The '80s hair? The girlfriends straight out of a Mall Madness commercial? We're not really sure what the mini-plot has to do with tampons, but it looks like fun.
Everyone in this ad is having the time of her life. They're jumping on their boyfriends, laughing when their car breaks down during a road trip, and roller skating on the beach with dogs. The good news is that Tampax compact is there to give them a "new kind of freedom." Side note: So Tampax has a volleyball team?
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